It was surprising.
It was uncomfortable.
It was eye-opening.
When my fluency professor told us to pseudo-stutter out in the community with a partner, on the surface, it sounded simple. After all, we just had to produce the prolongations, repetitions and blocks we studied and knew so well.
But, of course, the experience was anything but simple.
I teamed up with my sweet friend Naomi (and I think it’s safe to say we’ll both always remember the experience).
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Naomi chose to pseudo-stutter at David’s Bridal, which felt like an especially good fit at the time since she was to be married that summer. I chose Bob’s Discount Furniture (random, I know…but it was close by)!
Naomi went first. It began with the bridal interview.
The most uncomfortable (and humorous!) moment happened when the staff member asked Naomi where her wedding would take place. The staff member could not understand Naomi’s answer and kept asking her to repeat herself.
Naomi has the loveliest British accent I’ve ever heard. So, when she told the staff member that she would be getting married in Ireland, between her accent (in which the “r” in “Ireland” is more like a schwa) and her disfluencies, the staff member thought she said “the islands!” After much back-and-forth, the staff member finally gave up and wrote “the islands” on her form.
Naomi continued to pseudo-stutter as she tried on some gowns (she was a beautiful bride)! At times, the staff appeared to be slightly uncomfortable but they were patient and respectful, which was heartening to us both.
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Then it was my turn. Off to Bob’s Discount Furniture we went.
I felt ready and actually planned on presenting with moderate to severe disfluencies but, when the time came, my disfluencies were on the milder side. Why?
For me, it all boiled down to the moments of watching them wait for me to finish. My memory of the experience is somewhat blurred except for my vivid recollection of the saleswoman’s eyes taking it all in and waiting. It seemed as if time slowed down during those prolongations and sound repetitions. I felt flushed and wanted to look away. Even though everyone was patient and professional, I felt relieved when it was all over.
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When everyone returned to class, we debriefed. Some students had similar experiences to Naomi and me but, heartbreakingly, others encountered impatience and rudeness. Some individuals finished their sentences and several rude encounters occurred over the phone.
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I’ve heard many people who stutter express that they don’t want to be pitied and I think that’s so important to remember. To me, this pseudo-stuttering experience did not inspire pity but it did raise awareness, bring insight and foster compassion.
Sometimes the most powerful learning occurs outside of our comfort zones. Our vision changes in that strange, uneasy place and makes us better able to see how to make a true impact. Have you ever felt that way?
